Pricing
Pay Us to Think Less of You
Three tiers. No hidden fees — every fee is right there, in daylight, being rude to you. Prices in US dollars, because it lands harder when you can picture the number.
Pity
For people who want contempt but haven’t earned it yet.
$0 forever. It shows.
- Five snarks a day, whether you deserve them or not
- Standard-grade condescension
- Support via a shrug
- Community access (they don’t like you either)
Withering
Our most popular tier, which tells you everything about our customers.
$1,499 a month, billed annually, obviously
- Unlimited snark, minimal warmth
- Priority disdain — we ignore you first
- Custom eye-roll intensity (0–100% Bless.)
- API access to our indifference
- Monthly report on your shortcomings
Full British
Weapons-grade understatement for organizations beyond saving.
$2,400,000 a year. We’ll wait.
- A dedicated overseer who sighs audibly
- SLA: Sarcasm Level Agreement
- On-premises condescension appliance
- Volume discounts on disappointment
- A yearly "How Nice For You" call you will not attend
All plans include our uptime guarantee: the disdain never goes down.
Prices exclude tax, onboarding, and the cost of hearing what we actually think. Annual billing saves you nothing. It just gets it over with.
Snark™ vs. Sincerity
An unfair comparison, which is our favorite kind.
Category
Snark™
Sincerity
Honesty
Weaponized
Accidental
Delivery time
Instant, uninvited
Three drinks minimum
Uptime
99.99%
Down since 2009
Eye contact
Withering
Earnest. Moist.
Cost
$1,499 a month
Your soul, in installments
Aftertaste
Crisp
Lingering guilt
Methodology: we made it up, confidently. Which, again, is the product.
Questions We Knew You'd Ask
Can I cancel anytime?
You can, in seven steps, the last of which asks whether you are sure. It will be the most decisive thing you have done since you last changed a password.
Do you offer refunds?
We offer perspective: you did this to yourself. Perspective is non-refundable.
Is there a student discount?
Your entire situation is the discount. Enjoy it while it lasts.
What payment methods do you accept?
Card, bank transfer, or a screenshot of the money bags at the exact moment the number left their account. We do not accept apologies, exposure, or "I'll sort it out when I get home."
Why is Withering $1,499 a month?
Because $1,500 felt greedy.
Is Full British really $2.4 million a year?
It is. It was also $2.4 million before you asked, and it will be $2.4 million after you close the tab and think about it for a year.
Do you have a free trial?
Life is the free trial. This is the paid tier.